krisomniac / Fic: A Lesson in Holding Hands, post six (final)

Huzzah! This is dedicated to all members of the Remus Needs a Hug Foundation. (You know who you are). And many MANY thanks to

ignipes for the lightning beta and eternal lessons in 'shownottell'. ;)

Author:

krislaughs
Title: A Lesson in Holding Hands
Rating: PG
Characters: Remus, Tonks - the night after the battle at Hogwarts.
Ships: R/S - only. I swear.
Disclaimer: Story based on the work of J. K. Rowling, owned by various publishers, not me. Clearly. Because if they were, this scene would not exist, and Remus would be happily snuggled up to his padfoot. I've also shamelessly stolen two words from Milan Kundera. Ten points if you can tell me which ones.
Wordcount (this part): 881

( Back to the beginning )

( Part five )

~*~

"I didn't know," she says, bewildered.

"No one did," he replies.

Then he recalls Albus' shrewd glance Why don't you go with him to headquarters. There's room enough for two, and before that, a large dog dripping on his doorstep, three words and a sheepish grin, Dumbledore sent me.

No one else knows anymore.

They are silent for a long moment. The candle has burned low, wax dripping over the edge of the bureau to pool and harden into a milky-white puddle on the stone floor. What is left of the flame flares high, but its shadows are dull in the grey morning light.

Remus watches Tonks' brow furrow in thought. Her eyes roam the room, from his face, to the candle, to the window, and back, looking for a safe place to settle. She frowns, and colour and heat rise up from her neck, paint her cheeks with a faint blush.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands.

Remus looks at her steadily and raises an eyebrow.

"Oh," Tonks says, "Her ears colour, and she hides her face in her hands. She feels tears well in her eyes. "But they said--they told me you were lonely."

"I know they did."

She plays with the cuff of her robes, considering. Suddenly, she meets his eyes. "They weren't wrong."

He shakes his head. This time, it is Remus whose eyes wander the room in search of solid ground.

"Just... you weren't looking for me."

Remus stares at a spot between two bricks in the wall. He swallows, then shakes his head again.

"When you said you weren't 'whole', you meant because of him."

"I did."

Her curiosity has overcome any confusion and consternation. "How long were you and Sirius...?"

Remus inhales. "A long time." Forever, since before he knew that such feelings were possible, since they were boys skiving off their studies to run barefoot through the grounds. "Since we left Hogwarts," he says aloud. He aches for the twelve long years of mistrust and resentment, for too few days' reunion. "And after, when we found him.

"It was easy, being together, even after so many years. Well, as easy as these things ever are. Easy to slip into old habits, to reminisce, and eventually to make plans. We used to nip away to the cottage, you know. He hated that house, headquarters, being stuck there." Remus stops, his jaw clenched, then forces himself to breathe again. "I stayed as often as I could, as often as my work allowed, to talk and cook dinner, to sit by the fire and read, but he wasn't happy. And when I was gone, he was so much a part of my every day, every thought. Even when we fought-- I miss that. And when he--when I lost him, again...." Remus falls quiet.

Tonks makes a small, whimpering sound. Outside, the stars have faded against a lightening sky. Pale blue light rings the horizon, imperceptibly growing and muting into shades of yellow and orange and pink.

~*~

Tonks swallows, replaying his words in her head. She realises, with a shock, that this is the longest Remus has ever spoken to her, really spoken to her, without slipping into talk of Order business or the infernal weather, and she treasures the moment for that alone. Something inside her sparks. Outside, the sun is rising.

"So, you've never, I mean, never been interested in a girl?" she asks. He shakes his head. "And you've never wanted to?"

For only the second time that night, a true smile crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They catch a ray of sunlight as he chuckles deep in his throat and runs a hand over his face. Then he shakes his head again. For a moment, Tonks slips outside herself and sees the absurdity of the situation.

In that moment, she begins to laugh as well. She feels good, a wellspring of joy bubbles up through her, better than she has since the day--

"When you came to St. Mungo's," she says aloud. Then she adds, "Never mind." He didn't come for her. He came to talk. She remembers his eyes, his hand holding hers, the compassion, the infinite sadness in his voice, in the slope of his shoulders against the sterile white walls.

"You're not an easy man to get over, Remus Lupin," she says in her best professor voice. He grins, and her heart thumps harder against her chest. Her jibe rings true in the air between them.

~*~

"Do you think we could still be friends?"

"I'd like that," he replies.

"And talk to each other?"

He nods.

"And when it's all too much, or when we're scared, could we hug, or hold hands?

He reaches out to her and smiles.

~*~

Remus is smiling more broadly now, than he has in recent memory. A sliver of sun is already above the Forbidden Forest, illuminating its topmost leaves in golden light, playing on a wisp of cloud in the sky. He stands to greet it, to breathe in the morning. Before he knows what's happening, Tonks has launched herself into him, wrapping him in her little arms, shivering with relief and release, the unbearable lightness and joy of morning.

After a moment, she pulls away. Her hair is short and pink and spikey. Together they watch the sun rise on the first day of the new world.

"I can't believe he's gone," she says quietly.

"Neither can I."

The End

--

Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Flat / Top-Level Comments Only

- Posted by

juliette-kelley.livejournal.com

Oh, what a satisfying conclusion. I especially like how you incorporated the, "someone whole" comment. Wonderful job, as always. :)

- Posted by

Fic: A Lesson in Holding Hands, post six (final)

Navigation

Expand Cut Tags

Page Summary

Style Credit