Fic: A Lesson in Holding Hands, post six (final)

[krisomniac]

Huzzah! This is dedicated to all members of the Remus Needs a Hug Foundation. (You know who you are). And many MANY thanks to ignipes for the lightning beta and eternal lessons in 'shownottell'. ;)

Author: krislaughs
Title: A Lesson in Holding Hands
Rating: PG
Characters: Remus, Tonks - the night after the battle at Hogwarts.
Ships: R/S - only. I swear.
Disclaimer: Story based on the work of J. K. Rowling, owned by various publishers, not me. Clearly. Because if they were, this scene would not exist, and Remus would be happily snuggled up to his padfoot. I've also shamelessly stolen two words from Milan Kundera. Ten points if you can tell me which ones.
Wordcount (this part): 881

( Back to the beginning )

( Part five )


~*~

"I didn't know," she says, bewildered.

"No one did," he replies.

Then he recalls Albus' shrewd glance Why don't you go with him to headquarters. There's room enough for two, and before that, a large dog dripping on his doorstep, three words and a sheepish grin, Dumbledore sent me.

No one else knows anymore.

They are silent for a long moment. The candle has burned low, wax dripping over the edge of the bureau to pool and harden into a milky-white puddle on the stone floor. What is left of the flame flares high, but its shadows are dull in the grey morning light.

Remus watches Tonks' brow furrow in thought. Her eyes roam the room, from his face, to the candle, to the window, and back, looking for a safe place to settle. She frowns, and colour and heat rise up from her neck, paint her cheeks with a faint blush.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demands.

Remus looks at her steadily and raises an eyebrow.

"Oh," Tonks says, "Her ears colour, and she hides her face in her hands. She feels tears well in her eyes. "But they said--they told me you were lonely."

"I know they did."

She plays with the cuff of her robes, considering. Suddenly, she meets his eyes. "They weren't wrong."

He shakes his head. This time, it is Remus whose eyes wander the room in search of solid ground.

"Just... you weren't looking for me."

Remus stares at a spot between two bricks in the wall. He swallows, then shakes his head again.

"When you said you weren't 'whole', you meant because of him."

"I did."

Her curiosity has overcome any confusion and consternation. "How long were you and Sirius...?"

Remus inhales. "A long time." Forever, since before he knew that such feelings were possible, since they were boys skiving off their studies to run barefoot through the grounds. "Since we left Hogwarts," he says aloud. He aches for the twelve long years of mistrust and resentment, for too few days' reunion. "And after, when we found him.

"It was easy, being together, even after so many years. Well, as easy as these things ever are. Easy to slip into old habits, to reminisce, and eventually to make plans. We used to nip away to the cottage, you know. He hated that house, headquarters, being stuck there." Remus stops, his jaw clenched, then forces himself to breathe again. "I stayed as often as I could, as often as my work allowed, to talk and cook dinner, to sit by the fire and read, but he wasn't happy. And when I was gone, he was so much a part of my every day, every thought. Even when we fought-- I miss that. And when he--when I lost him, again...." Remus falls quiet.

Tonks makes a small, whimpering sound. Outside, the stars have faded against a lightening sky. Pale blue light rings the horizon, imperceptibly growing and muting into shades of yellow and orange and pink.

~*~

Tonks swallows, replaying his words in her head. She realises, with a shock, that this is the longest Remus has ever spoken to her, really spoken to her, without slipping into talk of Order business or the infernal weather, and she treasures the moment for that alone. Something inside her sparks. Outside, the sun is rising.

"So, you've never, I mean, never been interested in a girl?" she asks. He shakes his head. "And you've never wanted to?"

For only the second time that night, a true smile crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They catch a ray of sunlight as he chuckles deep in his throat and runs a hand over his face. Then he shakes his head again. For a moment, Tonks slips outside herself and sees the absurdity of the situation.

In that moment, she begins to laugh as well. She feels good, a wellspring of joy bubbles up through her, better than she has since the day--

"When you came to St. Mungo's," she says aloud. Then she adds, "Never mind." He didn't come for her. He came to talk. She remembers his eyes, his hand holding hers, the compassion, the infinite sadness in his voice, in the slope of his shoulders against the sterile white walls.

"You're not an easy man to get over, Remus Lupin," she says in her best professor voice. He grins, and her heart thumps harder against her chest. Her jibe rings true in the air between them.

~*~

"Do you think we could still be friends?"

"I'd like that," he replies.

"And talk to each other?"

He nods.

"And when it's all too much, or when we're scared, could we hug, or hold hands?

He reaches out to her and smiles.

~*~

Remus is smiling more broadly now, than he has in recent memory. A sliver of sun is already above the Forbidden Forest, illuminating its topmost leaves in golden light, playing on a wisp of cloud in the sky. He stands to greet it, to breathe in the morning. Before he knows what's happening, Tonks has launched herself into him, wrapping him in her little arms, shivering with relief and release, the unbearable lightness and joy of morning.

After a moment, she pulls away. Her hair is short and pink and spikey. Together they watch the sun rise on the first day of the new world.

"I can't believe he's gone," she says quietly.

"Neither can I."





The End

--

Comments

[juliette-kelley.livejournal.com]

Oh, what a satisfying conclusion. I especially like how you incorporated the, "someone whole" comment. Wonderful job, as always. :)

[amberlynne.livejournal.com]

Remus inhales. "A long time." Forever, since before he knew that such feelings were possible, since they were boys skiving off their studies to run barefoot through the grounds. "Since we left Hogwarts," he says aloud. He aches for the twelve long years of mistrust and resentment, for too few days' reunion. "And after, when we found him.

Oh. Oh. Remus. *sniff* My poor heart.

"I can't believe he's gone," she says quietly.

"Neither can I."

Man, they are totally talking about 50 different things right there with those few words, aren't they?

That was just so awesome. It is stamped "canon" in my head, I swear. I mean, I think you can still have R/S with Remus/Tonks and it works but your version is more believable to me. Heh. So thank you for writing this. :)

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

Just read all six parts, and really, I've only got one thing to say:

Ahhh well done.

[jazzypom.livejournal.com]

Friends. Yes, why not. I can agree with that.

Anything more? Nooooo!!!

Thanks for writing this, I may get over my cynicism with regards to Lupin now...

[wickedevra.livejournal.com]

An utterly perfect ending to a beautiful, poignant, bittersweet and sensible story.

[kardia.livejournal.com]

that was completely perfect. it all fits so wonderfully! ahh, perfect indeed.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Ohhh thank you. Just trying to tie up all those loose R/T ends in a pretty R/S knot. :)

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

hehee. You got it. Thanky much!! It's my canon as well. And I'm more than happy it diverged from the books.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

And *I* love *you* for reading and taking the time to comment! *hugs*

Re: Ahhh well done.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Aww yeah. It's over. I am officially a vet student now, with officially no time for creative (if slightly deviant) pleasure of my own. Poop. I'll write again in four years! (just kidding. I have a piece for Sirius_loving cooking already)

And Good! If I can convert one cynic, it's a job well done, because, hun, I agree with you completely. Canon sucked big hairy arse.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! I had a wonderful time writing it.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed. And your icon? best penguins EVER.

[xrated13.livejournal.com]

sweet :D
*Wipes away tears*

[deaddesire.livejournal.com]

you did it. you worked through all nonsense that was there and made sense of it.
I may now possibly be able to look forward. Thank you!

man,

[jazzypom.livejournal.com]

And Good! If I can convert one cynic, it's a job well done, because, hun, I agree with you completely. Canon sucked big hairy arse.

I found out that one mod of starcrossedmoon is delighted with R/T ( I came late) and delighted how it came about.

Wow. O_0

I think people's reactions to R/T is my litmus test of if I respect the person.

If the response is 'I like R/T but I hate how it was done' I'm cool.

Or ' I like R/T and R/S both of them are workable but it has to be complicated' I'm cool with that too, because it can work, but not in the Disneyeqse Rowling mess that I see online.

But if its' 'I like R/T and I was supporting them for the past two years and yeah! I win! You lose'

I'm like.

0_o

'You believe in this mess in how it was done and presented'?

Damn. One less writer to read.

[book-people.livejournal.com]

*grin* Perfect. It explains the entirety of that scene (yes, it is /that scene/ in my head... why?) and makes it happy R/S. Ooh! They snuck out to see the house they bought? Silly Marauders. *pet pet*

Thank you for writing this. I can now go back and reread HBP without glaring and muttering every time Tonks comes up or apppears.

Adi

[book-people.livejournal.com]

erm. Appears. Apologies, I haven't had caffeine yet.

Adi

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

Remus needs a hug! Oh, look, she gave him a hug. What a nice girl.

By the way, it still says "cook dinners." :)

Have fun dissecting Padfoot today!

I have no idea what you're talking about, lessons in shownottell. *hides tattoo*

[lls-mutant.livejournal.com]

Remus SO needs a friend at the end of HBP. He really, really does. This was absolutely lovely.

I'll accept R/T like I ate spinach when I was younger... because I have to and because someone told me to. But that's the only reason. I like your version much, much, much (10^6) better.

This Remus and Tonks I could completely believe would hold hands at a funeral- especially since they're both grieving.

Absolutely wonderful!

[mushroom18.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful. XDXDXD Somebody said it before: Remus needs a friend, not a girlfriend. Sirius' death and many things...maybe Tonks could comfort him without any strings attached. XD

[scortia.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making HBP seem less disappointing. :P This fit in beautifully with the canon we've read and yet... makes R/T an even better reason to love R/S. <3 Made me sad at parts. *sniff*

[marauderthesn.livejournal.com]

"When you said you weren't 'whole', you meant because of him."

"I did."

*is teary*

This whole fic is really excellent. You've treated every character with respect, sensitivity, and understanding. I wonder if the Nifflers know about this fic...:)

[dru-plus-spike.livejournal.com]

I'm very happy with the way you chose to end this. This has been very enjoyable to read.

[lolita-stardust.livejournal.com]

aw, I've really loved reading this. I'm glad you managed to make it work out so that they're not together but Tonks is still happy - i can't see Lupin ever loving Tonks, but I can't stand all the abuse that's come her way since HBP, she's a lovely character and she deserves a bit of happiness as much as the next person. and Remus needs a friend that knows and understands him, which I really feel that your Tonks could.

btw, can I get 10 points for spotting unbearable lightness? :-)

[pasi.livejournal.com]

I loved this. Very deft writing, wonderful ending.