Ficlet: Rebuild

[krisomniac]

Title: Rebuild
Atuhor: krislaughs
Word Count: 543
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Jo or whomever she's signed it away to. All but the last quoted lines are from Order of the Phoenix, American Hardcover, dread page 806.
Author's Notes: Meh. It's late, I've been in a bit of a rut and so I decided to try something new. Don't know that it works, I mean at all. Let me know.

Summary: Every time Sirius closes his eyes, the world disappears. When he opens them, it returns.

Rebuild

He was a Saturday stumbled upon in the middle of an endless week of work. He was warm afternoons and sunset filtered through autumn leaves. He was the sound of waves crashing against rock, the silence of bread rising in the oven, the whisper of hands tracing the lines on his face.

Sirius closed his eyes.

With the sudden fear that he would forget the curve of Remus' spine, the musky-sweet scent of leaves and parchment and honey in his tea, the butterfly touch of lashes against his cheek, he opened them again.

Remus was still there.

In the moment his eyes were shut and the world went black, Sirius imagined it was all a dream, that this was the dream -- this bed and quilt and curtains blowing in the breeze, the figure breathing deeply beside him -- and the dark, awake. How he longed to ride the air, in and out, past those lips, those.... The dark was full of living things waiting. In a moment his world collapsed.

And as his pupils focussed, it was rebuilt -- built by the pinpoints of light travelling millions of miles to bounce off Remus' skin and into his eyes.

He blinked, and the world disintegrated again.

Eyes open, it returned.

Everything was still.

There was no sound. The bugs buzzed, birds chirped, even the air moved silently.

With every breath, Sirius soared from himself into something... else. Inhale, he rose. Exhale, he fell. He landed softly, almost felt the cotton under his cheek, almost reached out to touch the figure beside him, almost imagined that Remus would turn and smile, touch him kind. Then he could close his eyes, breathe, and stay in the world.

He lay still.

"SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" A scream rent the silence, anguish of the baby bird tumbling from its nest, fighting to find its wings.

The darkness was complete. He couldn't open his eyes. Heart thudding through the matter of the thing that was himself, he could only listen.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"

His lids fluttered open, and silence welcomed him into her soothing embrace. The back of the figure beside him rose and fell, and with every breath, he was lifted from -- and returned to -- himself. Every time he closed his eyes, the world collapsed, and every time they opened, the sun rose again.

The things in the dark were waiting, waiting to taste the honeyed moment, waiting to find the key to the place where his eyes were open.

"Get him, save him, he's only just gone through!"

Light. The curtains hung limp over the sill. The blankets were still, bed empty as the space between stars. A hand beckoned for him to rise, to follow where it lead. A thin scar ran from the littlest finger, over a network of faint veins, across bones that gently rose and fell under skin and ended on his wrist. He was a Saturday discovered in the middle of the week, the panes of glass that kept the weather outside and let the sun shine in.

"Save him, he's only just gone through!"

"shhhh," Remus mouthed, kneeling by the bed beside him. "I will."

Comments

[dawn-afterglow.livejournal.com]

Oh-this was gorgeous.

Every time he closed his eyes, the world collapsed, and every time they opened, the sun rose again. I love that line.

And the end, oh, I loved the ending.

"Shhhh," Remus mouthed, kneeling by the bed beside him. "I will."

^^ Just in case you couldn't remember it! XD I'm adding this to my reclist when I update it.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Oh. Thank you. As I said, it's a kind of writing I haven't tried before.

[cepebpo.livejournal.com]

Wow, existential. Nicely done. Puts in mind a Sylvia Plath quote that I can't really think of right now...

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

heh. Thank you... although that doesn't mean I sound depressed, does it?? :)

the quote

[cepebpo.livejournal.com]

[huge sigh of relief] after 15 minutes of Google, I finally found the quote I was referencing. Hurray! It's from one of Plath's poems. And, no, it doesn't mean you sound depressed... She was about more than that. Rawness, really; a great exposition of inner bone and decaying mortar. Anyway, here's the poem:

Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade
Exit seraphim and Satan's men
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

--

Maybe you can see why your story made me think of this... Reading it again, I can definitely see a connetion, heh.

Re: the quote

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Oh man, yeah. I do see. I've actually only read the Bell Jar of Plath's work, hence the reference to depression. But that poem is, in fact, perfect.

Thank you for finding it!!

Re: the quote

[cepebpo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, crazy how apt it is, huh? I love that poem. I'm glad I was able to find it. Since I couldn't exactly remember any part of it, just the idea of it, I thought it was just a one-line quote . . . forgot it was a whole poem. (Been a couple of years since I looked quite seriously at any of Plath's works.) Smashing to again discover it was an entire poem...

You should sneak a peek at "Death & Co." (http://www.livejournal.com/users/cepebpo/140621.html) too, also another favourite.

[topaz-eyes.livejournal.com]

Oh my that was beautiful.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ANd thanks for taking the time to read

[rubytuesday1313.livejournal.com]

That was beautiful. And somehow not painful. But dignified, in a way.

[insight2.livejournal.com]

Oh...... I want to breathe like that. This ficlet really sounded like it had gone beyond the veil with all the description of the senses, I liked the silence of bread rising. I'm not so sad about Sirius dying now.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Yeah, as I was writing, it occurred to me that the thoughts and images were from the other side of the veil. I'd like to think that whatever is there, it isn't so bad.

Although that doesn't lessen my desire to bring Sirius back home...

[insight2.livejournal.com]

What will lessen the desire to bring him back? But I will say that I think your ficlet allows me to let go of him a little more easily because he's going some place better. I'd like to go there too, not because I'm a voyeur *ahem*, but because you've made me really feel that the Veil=light, real peace, 'light at the end of the tunnel'.

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

Dear World,

You want to write. You want to be poetic. You want to be lyrical. You want people to describe your work as beautiful. Please take note: THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, YOU GREAT FLOUNDERING PLONKERS.

Thank you,
K.

P.S. Okay, the title and the last line make me hopeful. Are they supposed to make me hopeful?

P.P.S. The line about the baby bird makes me forgive all of Harry's CAPSLOCKY nonsense. Yep, one little line you have accomplished something that Jo couldn't manage in 800+ pages: I want to give Harry a hug.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Aww. Franks! It's so wierd to write without a plot, without a point even. I thought I'd give it a go (and after finishing I realised how much I love writing PW. Gonna have some stuff ready for beta soon. Whoot!)

PS. Yessy they are. I cannot write pups otherwise. But unlike you, I have not figured out how to bring him back. I just know that wherever he is, if there is anything of Sirius left, he will be thinking of Harry and trusting that Remus will be there.

[shiakuu-hitome.livejournal.com]

Oh dear god that was gorgeous. The imagery is absolutely incredible. And you know I loved it when I start having fun with italics Once more: I LOVED it.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It all started with the idea of Saturday, while I was running, on Saturday in fact. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emeraldgreen/]

Oh wow. Just...everything!

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

aw. Just thank you. needless to say, I am out of my comfort zone writing-wise here... :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_emeraldgreen/]

Really? Oh gosh, you get an even bigger wow.

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

Kris - this was beautiful! Such a sense of time not only standing still, but warping in on itself and yet passing by in the blink of an eye - all at once. It made me think of when you wish you could save one memory-sense and wrap it around you like a blanket for comfort when you need it - to ward off the fear and keep you safe within yourself. Gah - I'm not doing a very good job of explaining it!

Gorgeous prose, and so very poetic, but not the poetic where you need cliff's notes to decipher it and you wonder where you missed something because it doesn't seem to make sense without some serious analyzing - it was like a stream of images and senses, and it was beautifully done. Considering this was something of experimental writing for you, it's even more impressive.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you! And may I add that you write beautiful reviews. They always feel so well thought and are much appreciated.

As for the experiment, I kind of like it, although I think that for me this attitude of writing will be something to incorporate into properly plotted pieces because I'm very uncomfortable writing it as a standalone. Isn't that odd?

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

You're welcome :) I like when I actually have time to write them, and of course it helps when the piece I'm reviewing provokes such thought and reaction! :)

Hmmm - maybe it just has to do with closure - or lack thereof. Your stories that I've read always seem to have that sort of purpose to them - where you're actually telling a story, even if it's just a 'missing scene' like the ficlet where Remus and Sirius have that impromptu picnic on the roof. This didn't actually seem to go anywhere - it was was, if you know what I mean. A moment without a true beginning or end - just a moment. And it's not a matter of right or wrong, just personal preference.

As a scene in a larger epic, this works, too - a scene of a shifting perspective. Even in OotP, time seemed to stop for everyone when Sirius fell - most notably Harry and Remus as it was written from Harry's point of view. And this was what Sirius was hearing/feeling/seeing, etc. at that frozen moment.

[aillil.livejournal.com]

That was disturbing in a very beautiful way. Thanks for sharing. :)