Not an SPN recap

[krisomniac]

No Supernatural for me tonight. *single emo tear* I fear I shall have to wait until the episode is posted to cwtv.

To pass the time, I have decided to watch from way back in season one. Remember that? When Sammy was a fresh-faced college student? I'd forgotten how hard he's grown over the past few years, and how much Jared has grown up. Remember when they didn't know what had killed their mom? Remember "saving people, hunting things"? Remember when Dean didn't have that massive weight on his completely perfect shoulders and he stuck spoons in Sam's mouth while he was sleeping?

In the spirit of reminiscing, what's your favorite episode or quote from past seasons? What are your favorite ways the series and boys have changed?

~

In other news things are going well at the clinic. It's a bit slow, so I've been doing busy work and obsessively reading the news to pass the time. This weekend, I'm mucking stalls which -- while not the most fun way to spend the morning -- brings me back to my roots, you know?

When there is stuff going on, it's really fun and they've done a great job of including me. In fact, today I euthanized my first horse. I've been present at many euthanasias, but never pulled the proverbial trigger. It was... easier than I'd expected, especially considering the slightly presumptive nature of his diagnosis (which is really bad if it's what really he had). There were just those last minute butterflies and I was all thumbs when it came down to administering the pentobarbitol (aka blue juice).

I dunno. I think even though he was a sweet, old, perfect kid's trail horse, it was ultimately the right thing to do since there was something neurologically wrong, the owner wasn't going to invest any more money in diagnosis or treatment, and some of the differentials high on our list included highly communicable diseases. I guess it's part of the job and better than a lot of ends the horse could have met -- even though with more money and time, we might've been able to do more for him.

Part of me feels a little guilty that I'm not more emotional about it. Aside from bugs, I don't think I've ever killed anything living before.

Comments

[girlmostlikely.livejournal.com]

Hey, you!! *hugs*

You around on IM?

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

one sec. yes.

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Good to hear from you again! I'd been wondering where you'd been and if all was well...

(and well done with the horse - it can't have been easy).

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

:) Didn't have internet for about six weeks, but this last place I'm visiting has wifi, and I've got some time on my hands. Which is a nice change.

HI!

(actually, the baffling thing is that it's surprisingly easy, except for those last minute -- what if they change their mind -- anxieties.)

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

Oh, I imagine that euthanasia must be one of the very hardest parts about your job, even when it's a blessing. ♥

Also, I happen to be quite partial to Heart. I'm easy that way. *g*

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

I dunno, thing is that the decision to euthanize... well wasn't really mine to make (the owners and vet in charge of the case made the call) and so the actual act was not all that hard afterall. I dunno. *shrug*

Mmm, Heart. Good one. (Still on S1 though in my marathon)

[girlpearl]

Kris, if I may be so presumptuous as to pass on some unsolicited words of wisdom, I'm going to tell you what I wish someone had told me from the start:

It's okay to not feel sad about it.

Mostly you'll hear variations on "it never gets easier" and "even when you know it's the right thing, it's always hard" and that is mostly because that's what people want to believe--that when you're putting their beloved horse/cat/dog/hamster to sleep, it's just as hard for you as it is for them.

And you know what, sometimes it is. Sometimes you'll cry along with them, and sometimes you'll agonize over test results and prognostic indicators and quality of life and they'll say, "Eh, not worth it, just put him down." But it's totally okay if you don't feel it every single time. It's actually kind of necessary, as a matter of fact; if every single euthanasia I did made me sad, I'd be in a mental institution (and you've seen how well I'm handling it lately).

People's reactions to being Dr. Death are highly individual and frankly, unless you're whistling "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" while you're pushing the plunger with the owner standing right there, it's nobody's place to tell you how you should handle it.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the advice. That's what my gut says (yeah, not sure you can do the job if you agonize over every one) but it's good to hear it out loud.

And then there are the cases that just tear you up, even if you're only the person holding the head. (Usually for me though it's when the owner has a sob story and is truly devestated over the loss of their horse -- usually because they can't pay for colic surgery.)

Anyway, great to see you again! Get that Dane pup. ;)

-k-

[girlpearl]

It's also okay to be sad ;)

Last night was another "Let's all go to Dr. Dove and have our pets put to sleep!" night. One made me cry, one was sad but not, you know, personally sad, and one I was like, "Okay, gotta get this done so I can see that laceration." It's always hard to predict which ones are going to hit you and which ones aren't. Apparently, human emotions are all, like, complex & shit.

I heard back from the breeder; she has two pups available at the end of June! But, I am not getting one of them, because I can't fly up then and she wants to ship the puppy and I'm like, "To Austin? In June? Uh, no."

[lacylu42.livejournal.com]

Dude, I have only one thing to say about last night's episode, and I think you will understand why it disturbed me so much when you see it.

MELON BALLER.

*shudders and runs away*

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

OMG, does this have something to do with TEETH? Because then I truly will freak out (I've seen the previews enough to know it's gonna be a creeptastic one)

[lacylu42.livejournal.com]

No... Not teeth...

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

ahh Saw it. I was confused thuogh and thought it was an ice cream scoop. then I realized even Gigantor Sammy's peepers aren't that big. :D

[lacylu42.livejournal.com]

You KNOW how I am about eyeballs!!!!!!!

[amchara.livejournal.com]

Aw, Season One boys! I think I want to do a rewatch of that season this summer. Floppy-haired-college-boy!Sam and swaggering-cocky-and-overly-tanned!Dean, hee. I think Disc 3 from the DVD set is like, the holy grail of good SPN episodes- Home, Asylum, Scarecrow and Faith. If I were wrecked on a desert island I'd want that disc with me. :P

Euthanasia seems to be part of the life as a vet, and you've been preparing for that life for a long time now, so while it seems like a big deal to us non-veterinarians, maybe it's just another step on your road? I don't really know, but I don't think you should have to feel guilty about not being more emotional if that's not how the experience was.

[krisomniac.livejournal.com]

OMG that is the best disc in the entire universe! We should totally do a group marathon of SQUEE. I have this wish to write a bunch of really old school fic, but I don't really see it actually happening. Who knows...

And totally agreed. I thought it would be a bigger deal and it wasn't, and that should really be okay. :D

Onwards and upwards. (I pulled some wolf teeth today and that was *hard*, man. Only not emotionally. ;) )